What if you said the worst thing a mother could say? What if your husband found out about it in the national press? And what if after all that, you didn't regret it...? 'My life is a tight knot I would like to undo. And, yes, there's no use crying over spilt milk but, the truth is, I'd rather die than spill any more...' Bea has a husband and daughter. Bea also has an appointment for a termination. Her first child changed everything - her life, her relationship, her identity. Now she has a pregnancy test and a decision to face. This is a story about the women we (think we) know, the choices we make, the friends who stand by us and how the secrets we keep and the words left unsaid can be more dangerous than any lie we tell...

'This poignant YA story of long-frozen grief and gradual self-discovery is slyly funny, romantic and filled with unlikely beauty.' The Guardian A heartbreaking but hope-filled tale about the stories we tell ourselves to survive... You are strong. You are brave. You are not alone. Seventeen-year-old Iris is happy. She's fearless, she's strong. She is everything but a girl who lost her mum. But Iris's dad and step-mum have been keeping a secret. One big enough to unravel her. Only the magnetic Órla can provide an escape, until things get...complicated. As Iris questions who she is, it becomes clear she can't run away from grief. What happens when someone who has never faced up to the darkness lets it in?

Shortlisted for the Bristol Teen Book Award 2020 Longlisted for the Branford Boase Award 2021 Nominated for the CILIP Carnegie Medal 2021 ‘Izzy is my hero, and her voice deserves to be heard around the world. Stunning.’ Jennifer Niven, author of All the Bright Places  ‘Amy Beashel holds nothing back when confronting rape culture and toxicity; this beautiful book will floor you and deserves to be on every shelf, everywhere.’ Kathleen Glasgow, author of Girl in Pieces   Izzy feels invisible. Trapped under the weight of expectation and censored by shame. Her mum Steph and best friend Grace have always been there to save her. But with one under the control of her stepfather and the other caught in the throes of new love, Izzy is falling between the cracks. As threats to her safety grow, Izzy wants to scream. But first she must find her voice. And if the sky is the limit, then the sky is hers.   [This book contains material which some readers may find distressing, including discussions of rape, coercive behaviour, domestic violence and abuse.]